[CHART Talk] Emotional Labor in the Hospitality Industry

Watch Jen’s CHART Talk on YouTube here.

Emotional labor is something we live with every day in the hospitality industry. And as trainers, leaders, and teammates, it’s important we understand it and learn how to better support our people.

So, what is emotional labor? The term was coined back in the 1980s by sociologist Arlie Hochschild, who studied flight attendants at Delta. They were trained to welcome passengers as if they were inviting them into their own homes. The challenge, of course, was that real life doesn’t pause when you clock in. You might have had a fight with your partner, chased your runaway dog that morning, or dealt with an angry guest earlier in the shift. But no matter what, you’re expected to smile, greet warmly, and “love strangers”—sometimes when you can barely manage to love yourself.

That’s emotional labor: the requirement to display certain emotions, regardless of how you actually feel. And while it’s an inseparable part of hospitality, it comes at a cost. Over time, it can lead to stress, disconnection, dissatisfaction, and even drive good people out of jobs where they might have thrived.

Hochschild described two ways people typically cope with this burden:

• Surface acting—putting on the smile, faking the cheerfulness, saying the right words while feeling something very different inside. It’s necessary sometimes, but it creates emotional dissonance, that draining gap between our real emotions and the ones we’re expected to show.
• Deep acting—a more sustainable approach, where you actually work to shift your internal state. Instead of just pasting on a grin, you reframe the situation so that your outward expression feels more genuine.

I remember years ago when I worked at Joe’s Crab Shack and had to lead the team in dances—something I dreaded. I could have slapped on a fake smile and powered through, but instead I tried reframing: “What if this is a party? What if these guests are friends I want to have fun with?” Suddenly, it didn’t feel so forced. That’s deep acting, and it not only eased my stress but made the experience better for everyone.

As leaders and trainers, our job is to help our teams move away from surface acting and toward healthier, more sustainable deep acting. That means giving them more than acronyms for service recovery. We've all taught L.A.S.T. (Listen, Apologize, Solve, Thanks) or similar steps for guest recovery, but rarely do we equip our teams with tools to manage their own emotions in those tough moments.

Here are a few strategies we can build into our training and culture:

• Emotional intelligence training. Teach self-awareness and self-regulation alongside guest service skills.
• Mindfulness and stress management. Breathing techniques, brief resets, and even permission to take a short step away when needed.
• Empathy exercises. Helping team members see that an upset guest may be carrying baggage from far beyond our front desk or dining room.
• Manager support. Encouraging leaders to recognize when an employee needs a break or a reset, not just a script.

At its core, emotional labor will always be part of hospitality. But how we prepare our people to handle it makes all the difference. If we only train them to “perform,” they burn out. If we give them tools to genuinely align how they feel with what they show, we build resilience, connection, and longevity.

As trainers, we’re not just teaching service steps—we’re supporting human beings. And when our team members feel cared for, they can care for our guests in authentic, meaningful ways.