The Apology Advantage: Why Training Your Team to Say I'm Sorry Drives Guest Loyalty

What’s the worst apology you’ve ever received? One that sticks with me happened over a decade ago at a doctor’s office: after I’d been sitting in the waiting room for over an hour for my appointment to start, I finally went up and asked the receptionist how much longer it might be. She shrugged and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t speed things up. It’s not like we’re flipping burgers back there.”

I returned to my seat and mumbled a few expletives...but I really wanted to shout them. Not only did she not give me what I wanted (an estimated wait time), but she also dismissed me as a patient AND took a swipe at the industry I’ve proudly spent my career in – one that, ironically, would never tolerate that response. A doctor’s office might be able to get away with a high level of indifference because patients often don’t have many other choices, especially with insurance limitations, but we don’t have the luxury of treating people that way in hospitality. If we don’t make guests feel respected and reassured when something goes wrong, there are plenty of other hotels and restaurants they can choose from the next time.

I was reminded just how important it is to get apologies right at the CHART conference in Louisville this past spring. During a breakout titled “The Hospitality Revolution: Where AI Meets Human Excellence,” presented by Monique Donahue of Hilton and Katy Foucar-Szocki of Unboxed Training & Technology, attendees had the opportunity to interact with an AI-powered roleplay (currently being explored by Monique and her team) involving a reservation mix-up. The most effective response in this situation didn’t rely on flashy recovery tactics – it just started with a calm, genuine apology and was followed with a definitive plan to move forward. It was a simple moment, but also a clear example that empathy and accountability will still lead the way no matter how advanced our technology becomes.

As the session wrapped up, a thoughtful conversation emerged at our table that lingered with me, and it raised the question every hospitality leader should be asking: Are you giving your teams the tools and confidence to apologize well, or are you just hoping they’ll figure it out on their own?

Why apologies matter in hospitality

Beyond the fact that people have so many options to choose from in our industry (which means we need to work harder to earn and keep their loyalty), they’ve also grown accustomed to fast, personalized service in nearly every part of their lives – from food delivery to rideshares to online shopping. When something goes wrong, a scripted or robotic apology can stand out for all the wrong reasons. “Sorry for the inconvenience” often lands flat, and “Thanks for your patience” – especially when the recipient isn’t feeling patient – can feel dismissive instead of helpful. Even worse is no apology at all, because left unaddressed, a small misstep can spark frustration – and in our businesses, sparks have a way of spreading. Soon the frustration can turn into anger, negative reviews, and lost revenue until it threatens to become a full-blown inferno of dissatisfaction.

While we can replace an entrée or change a room to solve the technical problem (and extinguish some of the hurt feelings), the apology is what can actually save the relationship. In fact, one study found that while 37% of hotel guests felt satisfied when offered a refund or credit alone, that number jumped to 74% when the gesture was paired with a sincere apology. In another survey, 96% of customers who felt they received a “very good” apology would return to that business again – a clear sign that the way you respond can make or break future loyalty.

That’s why it’s worth treating apologies as a skill, not just a nicety. Done well, they don’t just defuse tension – they build trust and drive real business results by turning moments of frustration into long-term loyalty.

What a bad apology sounds like

Before we talk about what to say, it’s worth looking at a few things your team should steer clear of. Most staff members genuinely want to help, but in the pressure of the moment, it’s easy to fall into patterns that feel efficient but come across as dismissive, insincere, or confusing.

Here are a few common apology pitfalls to watch out for:

• Opening with impersonal phrasing: “I hear you have a problem.” It might sound polite on the surface, but it can come across as cold or condescending, especially if the guest is already upset. Leading with “you have a problem” puts distance between you and the situation rather than showing support.

• Deflecting blame: “That is Richard’s fault” or “The morning shift must have missed it.” Even if it’s true, shifting responsibility away from yourself can make customers feel bounced around rather than taken care of.

• Using conditional language: “I’m sorry if you were upset.” Apologies shouldn’t sound like you’re questioning whether the guest had a right to be upset in the first place.

• Leaning on internal jargon: “Our POS was down” or “We’re waiting on engineering to clear the dispatch queue.” Most folks won’t know (or care) what your systems are called – they just want to feel heard and helped.

• Minimizing the issue: “It’s not a big deal” or “That happens sometimes.” Even small problems can feel like big disappointments to someone spending their time and money with you.

These habits usually aren’t malicious, but they’re easy to fall into when someone hasn’t been taught a better way, and they’re long overdue to be done away with. That’s why clear training around effective, authentic apologies is worth the investment.

How to build a better apology

So how do we help frontline teams get more confident and consistent in these moments? Try using this simple, teachable structure:

• Start by listening: Unless you witnessed the disruption personally or were already briefed by a co-worker, you should first give the guest a chance to explain what happened in their own words. Don’t interrupt, don’t rush to fix it – just listen. Taking a moment to understand their perspective shows respect, gives you clarity, and often lowers the temperature before anything else is said. Example: “Please tell me what happened so I can better understand what you experienced.”

• Acknowledge the issue: Once the guest has shared their side, show that you’ve been listening by clearly naming what happened and expressing concern. It isn’t about accepting blame for things outside your control; it’s about showing the guest their experience matters. Example: “I’m really sorry we missed your wake-up call, Miss Jones. I know that can throw off your whole morning.”

• Connect on a human level: A brief, sincere comment can help ease tension by showing the guest you understand how they’re feeling. Example: “I’d be upset too if I were in your shoes.”

• Take a visible next step: Guests feel reassured when they know what’s being done and who’s handling it. In the chaos of a service misstep, clear and direct communication acts like a crucial stairwell, guiding them safely towards resolution and reassurance and preventing further issues. Example: “Let me see what we can do to make this right – and I’ll follow up with you in the next 15 minutes.”

• Finish strong: After providing a resolution, the guest will probably, or at least hopefully, be grateful for your actions and thank you for the effort. At this point, you need to provide an appropriate closing to the situation – one that fits the tone of the interaction, the seriousness of the issue, the guest’s demeanor, and your company’s service culture. It could be a simple “You’re welcome,” or something more formal like “I very much appreciate you letting us know about the poor food preparation, Mr. Wagner, and I promise we will do better in the future.”

The full process of apologizing doesn't need to be dramatic or drawn out, but it does need to feel real. And like with any other hospitality skill, delivering an authentic “I’m sorry” comes with proper training and practice.

Train it like any other skill

We rehearse upselling, we rehearse safety protocols, so why not rehearse apologies, too, when they matter just as much? Owning up in the moment, especially when emotions are high or the situation feels unfair, isn’t something most people instinctively know how to do. It’s like being in a high-rise where everything feels fine…until the fire alarm goes off. In those moments, teams need a clear, practiced response to prevent a small issue from escalating into something far more disruptive. That’s why it deserves focused time in hospitality training programs – not just to explain why it matters, but to help your staff members get comfortable doing it under real-world pressure, just like making sandwiches or making beds.

Here are a few ways to start building that practice muscle:

• Include micro-apologies in onboarding or refresher trainings: Use short, realistic situations to provide hands-on practice around common guest friction points. If you’re not sure where to start, scan your recent customer feedback and look for recurring service issues. Example: “The guest’s mobile check-in didn’t work and now they’re frustrated at the front desk. What do you say in the first 15 seconds?” Walk through the exchange, discuss what the guest might be feeling, and reflect on how the response could be improved.

• Build on the training with peer feedback rounds: If you have more than one employee to work with, turn those practice exercises into quick peer-to-peer practice sessions. After one person gives their apology, the others can offer feedback on tone, clarity, and empathy. It’s a simple way to build confidence and help employees become more aware of how their words and delivery come across in the moment. Example: After a teammate says, “I’m really sorry your room wasn’t ready on time,” peers might respond with, “That sounded sincere,” or “Try slowing down – it felt a little rushed.”

• Model it from the top: You and other leaders on your team set the tone – not just with what you say to guests, but with how you talk to and around your crew. If apologies only come in corporate-speak or never come at all, employees won’t learn what accountability looks like in action. But when you own a misstep, even a small one, it gives your team permission to do the same – and when done with Fred Astaire–like grace, it can reinforce that humility and confidence can go hand in hand. Example: A GM who says, “I sincerely apologize for the confusion on this rollout. I should have explained that new process more clearly,” teaches more than any handout ever could.

• Coach for confident decision-making: Help employees feel comfortable making the call to apologize even when the situation is unclear or a manager is not around. When the staff know they’re trusted to use good judgment, they’re more likely to act quickly and authentically. Example: “If something’s gone wrong, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it. You don’t need to fix everything on your own, but the guest should feel that someone is stepping up and addressing the issue with care.”

Worth every word

Teaching someone how to apologize might not feel as exciting as teaching new tech or launching a shiny service initiative, but it’s one of the most powerful tools we can put in our teams’ hands. It comes from practice, modeling, feedback, and trust, and it starts with leaders who act as the architects of a service culture that values guest experience just as much as operational productivity.

And no matter how you choose to train for those moments – on the job, in the classroom, or with the help of an AI tutor – it’s worth doing with care. Because sometimes, a genuine “I’m sorry” might be the most memorable part of their visit.

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