Smiles, Everyone, Smiles: The Hospitality Leadership Dilemma

We all know the dance when working in hospitality. Out front, everything appears polished, poised, and perfectly under control as managers channel their inner Mr. Roarke from Fantasy Island and call out “Smiles, everyone, smiles” when the guests start to arrive. But behind the scenes at our hotels and restaurants, it can look very different. The VIP suite still isn’t ready five minutes before check-in, the POS system freezes in the middle of dinner rush, and someone is frantically Googling how to reset a projector right before the wedding slideshow starts. From the guest’s perspective, everything runs smoothly, but we know how much improvisation, teamwork, and quiet panic it can take to make it look that way. This tension between appearance and reality is at the heart of our industry's greatest challenge. 

Leadership, as it turns out, relies on the same balancing act. It’s a careful balance between projecting confidence and embracing vulnerability. 

During a breakout session at the recent CHART Hospitality Training Conference in Louisville, Angelina Sabatini, Manager of Training at Live Nation Entertainment, spoke about what it really means to authentically show up and connect with others. Using the metaphor of Instagram – where we often post only our most flattering angles, best lighting, and curated moments – her session, “Ditch the Highlight Reel,” made a compelling case that truly effective influence doesn’t have to be about looking flawless as a leader in your organization. Instead, it’s grounded in behind-the-scenes grit, messy pivots, and the deeply human work of showing up real – because often, our most meaningful moments happen not when everything’s going perfectly, but when we admit we don’t have it all figured out. 

Angelina’s message reminded me of a time when I was asked to facilitate a training session at the last-minute. I barely knew the material, the slides weren’t mine, and internally I was scrambling. But instead of pretending to be the expert, I admitted it, invited discussion, and turned it into a collaborative exercise. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. And I left feeling more like a leader than if I’d faked my way through it. 

Stories like this one echoed throughout the Louisville breakout – situations when attendees had been uncertain, unpolished, or figuring it out as they went, but still found their way through. Angelina encouraged us to treat those experiences not as something to hide, but as wins worth celebrating. They were honest glimpses of people becoming better leaders, right in the moment. 

But here’s where I want to build on what she championed: While I fully agree that hospitality professionals should lead with authenticity, I also believe there are moments when you need to put on a show. You sometimes need to project calm, clarity, or confidence that you may not fully feel inside. These acts of “Success Theater” aren’t about deception, but rather about buying a little time to steady the ship. They are about protecting your employees from unnecessary panic, gaining breathing room to solve problems, and modeling resilience under pressure. 

An example might be when service is in the weeds and guests are watching, your composed presence as a manager (along with hands-on support to get things back on track) helps the team from falling even further behind. Or when your new recognition platform runs into unexpected issues, you acknowledge the bugs, stay upbeat, and reassure your team that you're on it – keeping them engaged while you work through the fixes. These aren’t performances for ego or optics – they’re leadership tools, used with intention, to maintain your momentum. 

This idea of Success Theater isn’t just useful when managing operational hiccups – it’s also relevant in the everyday human moments that leadership is built on. One interaction that’s stuck with me involved an Assistant Manager I worked with 25 years ago (let’s call her Betty). Betty was smart, reliable, and had a good heart, but she hadn’t yet learned how to read a room. Every day when she showed up to work, I’d ask how she was doing, and I’d get a full rundown of all that had gone wrong in her life: a fender bender, her boyfriend’s latest screw-up, or her dog pooping all over the house. It was real, but it was a lot. 

During one shift, after she shared that she felt overlooked for promotions, I leveled with her: “Betty, if I know 20 things about you, 19 of them are complete downers. You make Eeyore look incredibly upbeat in comparison.” She was initially surprised, but it sparked a conversation about how leadership isn’t about hiding the hard stuff – it’s about knowing how and when to share it. Staff members look to their managers for direction, stability, and energy, and if the story you’re always telling is that everything’s falling apart, it’s hard for people to see you as someone who can help hold things together. Betty graciously took this advice to heart, started managing her presence more intentionally, and was promoted to GM of her own store four months later. 

I thought about Betty during Angelina’s session because while I grasped the importance of that balance back then, I didn’t have the language for it. I hadn’t yet heard the phrase “Success Theater,” or considered that these small, intentional performances could be a legitimate and useful leadership tool when used with care. That insight added a new layer to what I’d been trying to figure out all along. 

What clicked into place for me was this: showing a polished front when needed isn’t a flaw – it’s a skill. The real challenge is knowing your audience, understanding what’s at stake, and choosing your response with intention. And if (or when) the moment calls for it, stepping into the performance while quietly solving the problem backstage.

Once the pressure lifts? That’s when the best leaders open the curtain a bit. They build up trust by letting their employees see the effort it took, the decisions they had to make, and the things they’d do differently next time. 

That, for me, was the major takeaway from Angelina’s session: leadership isn’t about choosing between being real or being composed. It’s about using both – deliberately, skillfully, and in service of your team and your guests. 

So, thank you, Angelina, for reminding us that being human and being strategic aren’t opposites – they’re both part of the job. After all, in hospitality, we don’t always get to choose the script, but we do choose how we deliver it.